So I was browsing around the interwebs, catching up on all the latest posts since I’ve been on vacation.

Yep. Those are MY toes!

Yep. Those are MY toes!

I was poking through my Google Reader (y’all, I love it…I don’t know why I ever bothered with Yahoo’s) and found myself skimming an old guest post on Yum Yucky. Her guest poster was Jack, whose blog I’ve come across before and liked.

But his most recent post struck a chord with me. Literally, somehow, I felt a sympathetic vibration in my soul.

Go read it. I’ll wait.

“A leap of faith.”

Hmmm.

I think that’s what I need to take.

“But Kath,” you may be saying, “You already have faith…isn’t that why you started this blog?”

Ahh, yes. I DO have faith in the good Lord above.

It’s MYSELF I can’t trust.

I’ve been working HARD on losing weight over the last ten years. And I’ve had success…I’ve lost 60 lbs, twice over (for a net loss of 95 lbs between my highest and lowest ever adult weights).

But mostly, I’ve failed.

It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve TRIED. But it seems when I have the best success, it’s when I’ve managed to master multiple healthy habits SIMULTANEOUSLY: exercising regularly, eating healthy, drinking water, managing stress, etc. I’ve even been around the block enough times to know that I don’t have to have all of them at once, or any one of them PERFECT. Good enough really IS good enough.

But ultimately, I haven’t been able to sustain my efforts. Not permanently.

And I think my last sincere effort really did me in. That was the time I worked with a personal trainer for 18 months. People, I worked my BUTT off. Literally. I ate 250 grams of protein daily (the equivalent of 5 good-sized chicken breasts), including chugging down protein shakes that made me gag. I “ate clean.” I was in the gym for two hours a day for four to SIX days a week, lifting HARD. I got down to a size 12, and had a 10 in my sights!

And when the money to pay the trainer ran out, the weight crept back. Not much, at first…I tried to keep up the rigorous training schedule for a while. I knew the eating-clean diet plan wouldn’t last, but I still tried to eliminate all the processed junk. But after sustaining an effort like that for so long, it felt downright selfish to spend so much time, energy and money on myself. I started putting others first again.

The weight all came back. Plus about ten extra pounds. I’m sure some of it was stress, but still.

And the take-away lesson? All that heartache and hard work was for NOTHING!

So I’m still not willing to put in a sustained effort. What’s the point? Chances are, it will backfire on me.

I have trained myself that I am not to be trusted.

But God, however, CAN be trusted.

In some of my early weight loss efforts over the last few months, I’ve prayed that if I do my part, God will do His. And on those days, things went well. I did feel we were both doing our parts, and all was right with the world.

It’s when I drop my end of the bargain that things crumble.

I need to be able to trust myself again, to have faith in my own abilities. And working through The Four-Day Win will help me trust myself again, in baby steps. That is, if I work through the exercises.

And so we come back to that “leap of faith.”

Let’s start with those baby steps.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”  —John 14:1

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