Overwhelmed much? Don’t know about you, but when I get overwhelmed, I pretty much shut down. My head and heart simply can’t handle the craziness, and I have to fight my urge to simply run away and hide.

Mind you, I haven’t exactly figured out how that would help matters in the long run. As a matter of fact, the few times where I’ve actually DONE it (either physically or mentally) have pretty much created disaster on that front.

Lately I’ve been very much in that danger zone. Stop the world, I want to get off. I feel like I’ve been holding on by a thread. Busy at home, busy at work, busy at church. Children fighting, dog barking, dishes piling up.

A real “Calgon, take me away!” moment.

Of course, it’s in the midst of this that God brings Beth Moore into my life, in the form of the Breaking Free Bible study.

And Ohmygranny! He is really kind of pushy.

Last week we talked about five benefits that God intends for us. One of them was “To Know God and Believe Him”. My initial reaction was, “Well, DUH!”

I know God. I believe in God. Those are no-brainers in my book.

Except that’s not what it said.

Believe God.

Believe that he was faithful yesterday and will be faithful today. To trust him. With everything.

Everything.

This week we’re working through the obstacles to those benefits.

Sigh. This is where I really see how my self-image and pride have SO gotten in the way of my relationship with Him.

Throughout my life, therapists and friends have pointed out that I would never in a million years treat others the way I treat myself. That I would stand up against folks who treat others that way. Why is it that I don’t see that, in God’s eyes, I am just as valuable as those whom I would protect?

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31)

It’s difficult to get beyond the “don’t trust anyone but yourself” mentality. But that’s exactly what God wants. He wants us to trust Him. With everything. Unconditionally.

This doesn’t mean we can run away and hide and “let God take care of everything”. I believe he puts people into our lives and puts us into situations that can help us if we trust Him, make educated decisions and act.

So I’m pushing reset on this weight loss thing. I’m pushing reset on a lot of things. I’m saying, “OK, God. Your move.” I’m using the people he’s put in my life and the situations he’s placed me in, and trusting that “…all things work together for good to them that love God.” (Rom. 8:28)

Today I (again) joined Weight Watchers. For a long time, I’ve been saying “Oh, I just want to learn to live healthier; I don’t want to count points for the rest of my life!”

What I really was saying was “I’m afraid it won’t work. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust God to know what is right for me.”

An awful lot of “I’s” in there.

Push reset.

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