Well hello there InterWebz!

I’ll bet that you figured this baby just stole my brain and my blogging ability altogether. While that’s not COMPLETELY true (I blog here as well), I will claim a bit of baby brain (just because I can!).

It’s been a while since my big announcement here on SHMG, and now we’re in the countdown phase. That is, counting down the remaining ten weeks until our third son makes his entrance into the world. Yes, you heard me correctly.

My Three Sons.

As a classic TV show, cute. As my life, frightening! 🙂 I’m more than a bit overwhelmed at the amount of testosterone that will be present in my household.

But that’s not why I’m flipping out.

Ten weeks. Wow. Yes. Ten weeks and I will be the mom of three.

But that’s not why I’m flipping out either.

Why, you ask?

Clothing. More specifically, maternity clothing. Even more specifically, PLUS-SIZED maternity clothing. The biggest retail racket known to man (or woman). What else is an absolute necessity for just a few months, then obsolete in your closet? As a plus-sized woman to begin with, I guess I’m at a slight advantage over my non-plus-sized friends, because I actually have several pieces of clothing that still fit me. I’m fond of a particular style of blouse that ties around the waist and drapes flowingly over my belly anyway, and I have a few that still fit. I have a pair of summertime crop pants that are made from a nice jersey-type fabric with an elastic waist. They still fit too.

I have supplemented my wardrobe with several cute maternity tops. The bottom is where I have a problem. I have exactly three, yes THREE pair of maternity pants. Now, I work full-time outside the home. Our weekends are pretty full. This means that my three pair of maternity pants really get a workout.

As do my washer and dryer.

My meager maternity wardrobe (three pair of pants and nine tops) is the result of many frustrating trips to the mall, both IRL and virtually. When I was pregnant with The Tweenager ten years ago, I was pleased to find a good selection of plus-sized maternity clothes at stores like JC Penney, Carson Pirie Scott, and even a few Target stores. Now, we “curvy mommas” are limited to ONE store.

Don’t get me wrong, Motherhood Maternity is a lovely store and has a great website. Without them, I’d likely be relegated to muu-muus every day. It’s just that they have the same difficulties that every other retailer of female fashions has–inconsistent sizing. Just because three pair of pants are all size 3X does NOT mean that all of them fit the same (or at all, for that matter!). To me, it’s even more frustrating, because Motherhood primarily carries their own brand, and all three of these pants are made for them.

My frustration is compounded by the fact that non-plus-sized moms-to-be have a multitude of stores from which to choose. They can walk in to any Target, Kohl’s, heck, even Walmart, and find maternity clothing. They can choose from fancy little maternity boutiques or upscale department stores. They can even haunt local resale shops!

After The Manimal was born, I took some clothes to a local kids resale shop that also handles maternity clothes. I had a nice black semi-formal maternity dress and a few nicer maternity blouses that I figured I’d try to resell. I was told that they “don’t take plus-sized maternity clothes”. The sales clerk simply said that was store policy because they “didn’t sell well”.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told her that maybe if they stocked them, they’d sell. Her response was simply “Well, we just don’t take them.”

I’m sure she had a few choice words for me as I walked out the door stating loudly “I guess fat girls just don’t get pregnant.”

That’s how I felt today as I searched in vain for comfortable, well-fitting maternity pants. Like the maternity clothing industry must just figure that “curvy mommas”, “fat girls”, “plus-sized ladies” or whatever you want to call us, just don’t get pregnant.

But we sure do know how to flip out.