“Why are you so damn fat?!”

Martha Beck hit it right on the head with the opening chapter of her book “The 4 Day Win”.

I’ve been overweight/obese pretty much my whole adult life. Looking back, I was always one of the tallest/biggest girls in my class. I can remember being concerned about my weight in middle school, but not concerned enough to really DO anything about it. I was a cheerleader and played soccer, so I was active enough, I just didn’t really think about things.

In high school, I was a band geek. By my senior year, I was Yearbook Editor. I was very involved in high school and had a ton of friends, but didn’t date. I helped plan the school dances, but never went.

Looking back now, I know that a large part of it was my own personal insecurity. Boys didn’t like fat girls, so why in the world would I set myself up for failure.

Fast forward to adulthood. It was 2003. I’d been a high school teacher, graduate student, and worked in special events for more than 5 years. I was married with an almost-three-year-old boy.

That summer, I finally admitted to myself that my weight had become more of an issue than just medical. Having struggled with bulimia for more than 10 years, I admitted myself to a treatment program.

After being in treatment for 6 weeks, followed by nutrition and personal therapy for over a year, I felt I’d made some progress. I hadn’t lost weight, but I had knowledge.

Now it’s 2009. I just turned 40 and I think I finally came to the realization that if I don’t lose the weight, it will eventually kill me. Yes, I’d like to be able to wear cute clothes, but its more than that. I want to LIVE.

And I’ve realized that I can’t do it alone. My weight journey and my faith journey have finally merged, and I’m going to lose weight now…

…So help me, God!